What do you do when it all gets a little too much?

Ask for help.

Living with a long term health condition comes with many challenges especially when it is a condition that comes with unpredictability and triggers out with your own control. The challenge of trying to live a normal life is tiring and it can feel like a full time job just trying to stay well.

Recently I have hit that breaking point of what else can possibly go wrong with me. Asthma has ravaged my body, I am not just meaning the side effects from medication but the actual asthma and having attacks its self has also left its mark and continues leaving its mark from poor vascular access which has left me with a leg that doesn’t work properly, the mental toll on attacks and being in and out of critical care to most recently finding out that I have either had a hypoxic stroke during an attack or the other option is a lesion on my occipital lobe on my brain. An MRI scan is pending and will confirm but I have had a battery of tests to work out what it is. I am plugging for the stroke option as then at least it has happened and I have had no real adverse effects from it (but fingers crossed it is nothing at all- this would be super).

For the first time I have noticed the impact my poor health is having on just daily living. I recently went to the wrong out patient appointment in the wrong hospital, I totally forgot another appointment and then I cant remember if I have taken my drugs or not. I can guarantee some of the drugs I have taken because they are in my weekly box I get made up from the pharmacy. My brain just feels like it has been put in a blender, put on full and then poured back out. My leg then causes me to have multiple falls and this causes other injuries too!

This is not the life of a 34 year old that just had asthma!!!

I told my GP this today. Well she kind of guessed it as I tried to tell her about the eye hospital I just broke down. I could not help it but the news at eye hospital was the final straw. The year was meant to be focusing on getting my health back on track, getting control of my asthma so I can return to working in the hospital but now my body is in a worse state than it was when I stopped in Feb last year. At least last year I could walk without the need for a splint and a walking stick and could drive out-with the city!

So what to do from here?

My GP is really great and I am really lucky to have her. She gave me details for a new app that is out called Feeling Good. It is a program of tracks you listen to over a 12 week period which I think are similar to mindfulness. I will find out! I think once I complete the course I will write up a blog post for it. Anyone can get the app but some stuff has to be paid for unless you get a code from your GP surgery.

I like to try and keep myself busy as well. I take Ghillie out for a walk every morning come rain wind or shine I head out. This is really good as gets me moving, blows the cobwebs away and exercise releases endorphins so you get that little bit of positivity from it. Also I love seeing Ghillie running around having fun with the other dogs and I have made a few dog walking friends too- everyone is a creature of habit wether we think we are or not.

I need to remember that whatever is going on I am not being affected by it. Apart from some loss of my peripheral vision I have no other issues. I do need to acknowledge that my body is not ok but I have a lot of positives going on and events coming up that I am speaking which I am really looking forward to.

All these situations have given me some more drive to continue with my advocacy work as asthma is still so under recognised and not thought of as a disease that can be that bad. Asthma right now is destroying my body and I don’t want it to do the same to others.

SoulKraft Wellbeing Radio Show 10.07.19

Last night I had a totally new experience. I was a guest on a radio show. I have done radio interviews before but they have never been in a radio studio with the headphones etc on so this was all a bit new and exciting! To listen to the show follow this link

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SoulKraft Wellbeing Radio Show is a weekly show hosted by Lauren on Stirling City Radio. I was put in touch with Lauren via a mutual friend but we were also at the same school. Lauren’s radio show focuses on mental wellbeing and has a sub topic each week focusing in on part of mental wellbeing such as creativity. You can read more about Lauren, her blog and radio show here.

To say I was a bit nervous would be an under statement because I have never been the best with words when speaking about my own health. I can write it and I can speak about the surrounding topics such as asthma research, new asthma medications when giving presentations but the last few times when I have spoken about myself and how my asthma has impacted me I have ended up in tears in front of a whole load of people, so I was hoping I was not going to do that while on the radio. I have also never spoken about my view on mental and physical health. I have written about how a physical health condition has impacted my mental health but never really spoken about it and also not spoken about how I view health as a whole.

It was great to be able to speak to someone who has had such similar views on health but they come from a predominantly mental health condition where my initial diagnosis was a physical which has impacted on my mental health.

Reflecting back and listening to the show has been really cathartic and in a way given me a new lease on life and advocacy. It has made me realise that health is just health wether it is physical or mental. Part of me really feels that all this attention being given to mental health may just be stigmatising it even more now. There is a lot of press given to mental health because it is chronically underfunded but why is it. Mental health conditions just like physical health conditions sometimes cannot be prevented and sometimes can be prevented, all conditions can be treated with pharma input or using other approaches there is no real difference (I get that this is being very generalistic but when you get to the nitty gritty of all conditions they are complex and hard to manage.

I want to try and spend some time promoting the impact that living with a chronic (sorry Lauren) health condition can do to you holistically. I say holistically because that focuses on the whole person not just the one organ or organs that the condition effects.

Thank you again Lauren! If you want to listen to the radio show