What do you do when it all gets a little too much?

Ask for help.

Living with a long term health condition comes with many challenges especially when it is a condition that comes with unpredictability and triggers out with your own control. The challenge of trying to live a normal life is tiring and it can feel like a full time job just trying to stay well.

Recently I have hit that breaking point of what else can possibly go wrong with me. Asthma has ravaged my body, I am not just meaning the side effects from medication but the actual asthma and having attacks its self has also left its mark and continues leaving its mark from poor vascular access which has left me with a leg that doesn’t work properly, the mental toll on attacks and being in and out of critical care to most recently finding out that I have either had a hypoxic stroke during an attack or the other option is a lesion on my occipital lobe on my brain. An MRI scan is pending and will confirm but I have had a battery of tests to work out what it is. I am plugging for the stroke option as then at least it has happened and I have had no real adverse effects from it (but fingers crossed it is nothing at all- this would be super).

For the first time I have noticed the impact my poor health is having on just daily living. I recently went to the wrong out patient appointment in the wrong hospital, I totally forgot another appointment and then I cant remember if I have taken my drugs or not. I can guarantee some of the drugs I have taken because they are in my weekly box I get made up from the pharmacy. My brain just feels like it has been put in a blender, put on full and then poured back out. My leg then causes me to have multiple falls and this causes other injuries too!

This is not the life of a 34 year old that just had asthma!!!

I told my GP this today. Well she kind of guessed it as I tried to tell her about the eye hospital I just broke down. I could not help it but the news at eye hospital was the final straw. The year was meant to be focusing on getting my health back on track, getting control of my asthma so I can return to working in the hospital but now my body is in a worse state than it was when I stopped in Feb last year. At least last year I could walk without the need for a splint and a walking stick and could drive out-with the city!

So what to do from here?

My GP is really great and I am really lucky to have her. She gave me details for a new app that is out called Feeling Good. It is a program of tracks you listen to over a 12 week period which I think are similar to mindfulness. I will find out! I think once I complete the course I will write up a blog post for it. Anyone can get the app but some stuff has to be paid for unless you get a code from your GP surgery.

I like to try and keep myself busy as well. I take Ghillie out for a walk every morning come rain wind or shine I head out. This is really good as gets me moving, blows the cobwebs away and exercise releases endorphins so you get that little bit of positivity from it. Also I love seeing Ghillie running around having fun with the other dogs and I have made a few dog walking friends too- everyone is a creature of habit wether we think we are or not.

I need to remember that whatever is going on I am not being affected by it. Apart from some loss of my peripheral vision I have no other issues. I do need to acknowledge that my body is not ok but I have a lot of positives going on and events coming up that I am speaking which I am really looking forward to.

All these situations have given me some more drive to continue with my advocacy work as asthma is still so under recognised and not thought of as a disease that can be that bad. Asthma right now is destroying my body and I don’t want it to do the same to others.

Welcome Ghillie

I can’t believe I have not posted about Ghillie. For the longest time I have wanted to get a dog. I had cocker spaniels as a kid and my grandparents always had dogs and rescue dogs. While working I always thought I would never be able to have a dog as it would just not be fair and I was not one for wanting to either leave the dog at home and someone else walk them or leave them in the car or crate etc. I have read a lot and met a few people who have service dogs and spoken about the various different things they can do. My consultant had also mentioned them as well and he supported me which is great.

Now that I am not working in the hospital and mainly doing research and public speaking plus some writing it seemed like the perfect time to investigate further and see how the best way to get a dog which would then be trained to be a service dog. I feel very strongly that everyone likes to train their dog in their own way. Some charities you get matched with a dog who is pre-trained which is great but I want to have that bond so opted to get a puppy myself, train it and go through the kennel club obedience tests before going on to start working towards assistance training.

A lot of research went into choosing the right breed and breeder. Having had cocker spaniels when I was younger I knew I would be fine with them as they never caused me any issue. I have been lucky with dogs as one the whole I am good with them except the ones that malt all the time. So I thought about a cocker and found some breeders but doing my research I learnt that the nose on a poodle is far more sensitive than of a cocker so it was recommended for my need that a cockapoo would be the best cross breed as it would have the nose  and scent attributes of a poodle but then also the work and gun dog ethic of a cocker.

I sourced a breeder, did some background, went out to see the breeder armed with questions and was surprised when he too was armed with questions for me. I guess because he wants to make sure the puppy goes to the right place. As soon as I met the breeder I knew it was a good fit and he was the right one. I just hoped he thought the same about me! Thankfully he did.

When it came to choosing the pup I stood in the area and let the puppy come to me. This wee guy was the one that came to me so I decided to go with him. Next came the name. He ended up being called Ghillie after a text message was miss read. I had a few others but Ghillie just sort of stuck. I like it and also there is a link to the breeder as he is a ghillie!

This is him at 2 weeks old.

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At weeks old he got to come home with me to start his new life with me. I feel a little bit like a crazy dog lady as keep posting photos but at a time in my life where things have not been that great he has been the much needed distraction and companion. It has been less than 2 weeks but he has had such a big impact already and not just for me but also my mum and youngest brother too as well as nephew and sister in law.

The day I picked him up to bring him home.

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The first week has been busy and hard work but it will pay off in the long run. I have discovered how clever he is. We are doing a lot of house training. Not many hiccups although we have had a few times when it is like he has forgotten everything he has been taught but I think it is more because he gets distracted and hyper excited about anything and everything.

Having Ghillie at home is like a breath of fresh air. He is so dependent on me for everything that it gives me a real purpose and not waste away my days. I cant wait for him to be able to go outside so he can explore the world, see the beach and go up north. He is a little monkey as well and knows when he has been caught doing something he shouldn’t he gives me those puppy dog eyes that butter wouldn’t melt.

Below are a few more photos of him. So many people were asking for photos and asking about how he will become a service dog, I have created an instagram account called @ghillieservicepup where you can see photos but I will also post about his training and becoming my service dog as well as my companion.

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