It never gets easier!

Just under 2 weeks ago I had another pretty serious asthma attack which ended up with me being admitted to hospital for over a week. Over the years I have had loads of asthma attacks and all of varying degrees, different situations and surroundings yet this past one is one I am finding the most difficult to process and one I am feeling the most insecure and scared by. As far as asthma attacks go it was not the worst but not the mildest either. So what is bothering me so much?

The weeks preceding the attack I have been slowly but surly going down hill. I was having difficulty fighting off a viral infection which plagued me. Ironically when I got up to go to work the morning I ended up having an attack I actually felt better and thought I had turned a corner and was throwing off the infection. The previous day I felt awful and was debating not going into work. I felt better so I went in.

It didnt take long or much to start me sliding down the slippery slope. I had to go from inside to outside and back in again to see a patient and doing this really hit me. The change in temperature felt like fire in my chest. Walking back to my unit it felt like someone was tying a belt around my chest and not letting any air out. By the time I got back I knew I needed to go home but I didnt want to admit it. I found my charge nurse and told her. I don’t think I needed to tell her I was not well as her reaction was to take me into a treatment room for me to have a neb. I struggled to put it together but didnt want to show how much I was not managing. My charge nurse was great. She asked if I needed to go to A and E at which point I said yes. No sooner had I said yes, I was in a wheelchair and on the move to A and E. We flew through the corridors of the hospital. I don’t remember it at all really. The next thing I was there in triage having obs done. From here on everything moved so quick. I was hoisted up onto a trolley and taken through to the Resus room with a consultant and reg who looked after me. My anticipatory care plan came into its own as I didnt need to say much and all the information the Drs needed was there. I was in Resus for quite a while before I was stabilised and brought back into the main bit of A and E. The Drs were all fantastic. I needed a lot of IV medication this time. IV aminophylline was started in A and E. For me we normally wait a bit and see if lots of nebs etc can get on top of it because of the issues with my heart but the Dr’s decided to start it. I was glad as I was getting very tired and felt like I had no energy to fight anymore. I was moved through to a monitored bed in the assessment unit after that to wait to be seen by Respiratory and a bed in the Resp Ward.

The whole A and E experience was really weird for me. In fact the whole attack was. I don’t know how to feel about it. It was a number of firsts for me. It was the first A and E visit using my anticipatory care plan which worked well so thats good. This time was the first in a very long time I have ever had anyone with me in A and E. I often find it difficult to have people around me because I see how scared they can get and the fear I see in them makes me scared which ends up being a bit of a vicsious circle. I did like having someone with me. It was a comfort when getting stabbed and poked and all sorts to have someone there to distract you and take your mind off it. The other thing about this attack is that it was the first really serious attack I have had at work in front of my colleagues. I have had days where Im chesty and not great but never had a full blown asthma attack in front of any of them. They are all nurses so will have seen people with breathing difficulties but when it is your colleague it is a bit different. Part of my anxiety about this is that sometimes when I have an attack due to being short of breath and oxygen etc I can do and say stupid things (for example I once tried to squeeze through the cot sides of the bed cause I thought this was the way to get out of bed!!). You can do and say stupid things in front of family but work mates is a bit different.

I shouldn’t be surprised that it has happened. I have done pretty well to avoid any major attacks in front of them until now but it has shaken me quite a bit. This whole admission has shaken me quite a lot of a few different levels. I will post about them once I have sorted my thoughts from the rest of the admission out. I have only processed the acute phase of the attack as so much happened.

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