What happens when there is nothing else?

During my last hospital admission I was very apprehensive about seeing my old consultant. I had recently changed consultant out of frustration and fear of losing my job. Just reducing prednisilone and seeing how I go was not working for me when all I wanted was to get better.

My current consultant is now based in another hospital in the City. The hospital I was admitted to was where my old consultant was based. Luck would have it that I was put under my old con too!!! I was really nervous about seeing her. I had not left things in a good way and didnt really say to her why I had left. I have told the nurses etc on the ward but not the consultant.

Ward round came and my old con was there in the team reviewing me. She was really nice and I asked to speak to her without the rest of the team. We had a good chat about a variety of things. I ended up in tears. We had a chat about why I found a different consultant and it helped us both. I explained I couldn’t keep going with the reducing prednisilone and seeing how I would go as I was missing to much work and ending up in hospital too much. It was taking too big a toll on me.

I asked if there was anything I could do to stop these attacks getting so bad. Part of me really wanted her to say yes there was something I could do so then I had the hope of changing something to make myself better but she said no. She said I was doing everything I could to manage my condition the best I could. This has left me feeling really deflated. As she said it she gave me a hug. I don’t want my life to be like this. Its like being on a knife edge never knowing which way Im going to go.

One good thing that has come out of it is that she is going to take my case to a big respiratory meeting where a whole host of asthma specialists get together to discuss difficult cases. I hope with this something will happen and someone might come up with an idea of how to make my life a bit better and have some more control of my asthma. I know I will never be free from it but just now every asthma attack lands me in hospital as I can’t control them and to be able to control them a bit better is the one wish I really want to come true.

I just need to be patient and see what comes of this meeting. Im in a quandary now as to which consultant to go with. If I’m honest I prefer my old consultant and not much has changed with this new one and she did offer me so much help so I don’t know what to do. I need to sit and think about it and see what is best for me!

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