Fed up of it all

Im going through a period of being really fed up. I feel I am suffering and symptomatic most of the time requiring my inhaler etc but when I see my consultant she just does nothing. I am due to see the respiratory nurses soon and feel like thawing my toys out the pram. I cannot continue like this or will lose my job I have now and I love it. I enjoy working. It gives me a purpose but I can’t do it properly if I don’t feel well enough and not only feel well but physically be well enough.

For the past few months I have kind of been doing my own thing. The nurses last saw me and told me my consultant wanted my steroids reduced which i am all for but I want some period of stability first before i go reducing things. So I did what i was told and reduced and guess what ended up in hospital with a bad attack and difficulty getting it under control once again requiring input from ITU medical staff.

I have decided enough is enough. When I see the nurses next i am going to tell them if something doesn’t change I am going to stop coming to clinic appointments etc because what is the point. All I get told is to reduce my steroids cause my consultant doesn’t want me on high doses long term. clearly this plan is good but the way she is going about getting me off them is not working. My peak flow is so erratic and my FEV1 is rubbish and has not improved in a long time. It should be higher. My consultant doesn’t see how much it effects me. My asthma is all around me just now. I feel like I can’t get away from it. I don’t get any rest from it. It wakes me up at night and stops me doing things in the day. It s viscous circle. 

My family don’t understand it and just now have enough issues going on without having to deal with my chest too. SO although not the best and i know i need to go to consultants appointments but I really don’t see the point if I am better off doing my own thing. I am wasting a spot someone else can have as they are always saying how busy they are and I am also wasting my valuable days off. 

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