No matter how much preparation asthma can still bite!!!

This weekend was a fantastic weekend. It was the MacRobert Tournament which this year was the biggest in the tournaments history with teams coming up from Leeds, Manchester and across from Norway. It was fantastic playing just women’s lacrosse as well as mixed lacrosse. Women lacrosse is no different in its rules but you do find there is more stick work skill as some boys (not all though) don’t tend to have the stick work and will just use their speed and the frying pan technique.

Saturday didnt go as planned. The weather was not great. It was freezing cold. I played a game and a half and then helped at the come and try session which was running for school kids to come and try not only lacrosse but also shinty. Saturday was a much better day as the weather was great, sun was out and nice warm weather. There were a lot of tired legs around but the team did well and won the mixed tournament bringing our trophy count to 4 for the season.

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Saturday was not my day though. A BBQ hit me with no prior warning. I say hit me i don’t mean physically hit me but the smoke from it induced a small asthma attack and I had to get my team mates on the side line to run on with my inhaler. Trying to take an inhaler in full goalie kit while a match is in progress is one of the hardest things to do. Overtime I tried to take it the ball would turn over and we were back defending. I managed to get through the game just- thankfully they were only 20 mins long. After the match a couple of nebs and I felt better and ready to go again but once back on the pitch after a few minutes my chest just tightened up. I couldn’t call or anything so I had to get off thankfully our other goalie who was playing out field for another team was changed and could hop in for me. Devastated that that was the end of the tournament for me but it was a real struggle just to get off the pitch so I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back again and play. Thankfully it was such a nice day it was alright sitting on the side watching.

It really bugs me that no matter how much preparation you do there are still things which are so small to others can make such a big impact on a set of twitchy lungs. Most people may not notice the smokey smell but my lungs felt it before my nose smelt it!!!

Today I have been really short of breath and have a really hoarse voice. It is horrible with this ongoing feeling of tightness and someone constantly sitting on your chest. I long for the day that asthma can be better managed.

I thought the end of the season was going to go really smoothly but maybe not. Plan now is to rest and stay low to be well for June where I go to Italy, London and Prague so I need to be in top form for that!!!

Returning to work in a fog of smoke.

I have been back at work now on a phased return and it is going fairly well except for one part. When my chest feels tight I do find it a bit of a struggle to get from the car park to the hospital. The staff car park is the furthest out from the hospital and includes crossing the road that circles the hospital. It is not to far only about 400m probably but when your chest is tight it feels like a marathon.

To compound this staff seem incapable of waiting until they are either in their car or off the hospital site before they light up they cigarette and go on their way. I see them walking out the hospital cigarette and lighter in hand before they are even out the building- it is almost like you can see them itching to light it which they do as soon as they are out the building. It appears that they cannot survive without their nicotine that they don’t have a care for who is around them all they are focused on is lighting up and getting their fix not worrying about the effect they have on others as long as their cravings are satisfied.

I guess I am more sensitive to triggers now than I ever was before because of the attacks I have had since the start of the year- they terrified me and still haunt me. My lungs are still twitchy so any trigger will make me feel tight and wheezy. When I was off sick I longed to go back to work to have a purpose to the day and get back to the job I love but how can I do the job I love when getting into work I can only describe as running the gauntlet not knowing what I am going to have to go through just to get from my car and into safety of the hospital. This really hit me yesterday when I had 3 people in front of me smoking as I left the hospital to get to my car. I had to wait outside in the cold until they had moved far enough away that their smoke had dissipated and was no longer a threat. To me smoke is as much of a threat as a dangerous patient if not worse. You can’t call security for help from someone smoking but you can for a dangerous patient. I don’t mean to trivialise a dangerous patient but to me right now smoke is more of a danger to me than anything else. I don’t want an attack triggered- the fear of another asthma attack like I had grips me so hard I can’t shake it off.

I know you can’t go around dictating what people do but what I have huge difficulties with is that the hospital is meant to be a no smoking zone and there are signs everywhere which are just disregarded and no notice is taken of them. Many of the people I see out smoking are nurses. The same caring compassionate profession that I am in yet they really don’t actually care for those around them. There is nothing worse than being a patient and having a nurse come off their break smelling of smoke and you are sitting in a respiratory ward and could quite easily be set off just by the smoke that is lingering in their hair or on their clothes.

I think my issue that I have trouble accepting is that I did not choose to have my lungs like this. I am trying to do all I can to stay well and achieve what I want to do but I see all these people who choose to smoke and are choosing to do damage to their lungs and other peoples lungs. I do remember once I was subject to one persons smoke which caused me to have an asthma attack and go to hospital- the nurse’s smoke that caused the asthma attack was the nurse who ended up looking after me. I found this really hard.

I have rambled a little bit here but I am just so frustrated that by trying to work and get to work I am risking my own health to get inside the building. I have asked to move carpark to one that is closer so that the gauntlet I have to run is shorter and therefore the potential risk is much less but this is yet to happen and Im not sure if it will happen. It is a very small request but it does make me think what is the point of pushing myself to work when those around don’t want to try and help. To put it bluntly if those who smoke think about those around them and perhaps smoke only where they are meant to they would not effect other people, they would reduce the number of people who end up in hospital and therefore reduce their work load making their life easier.

This is a little bit off the deep end but its how I feel.

23 days on….. and its only got worse!

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Smokers need to imagine what it is like to fight for your life, to work so hard to get that tiny bit of breath in to supply oxygen to your brain and body. They need to experience this. They need to fast forward 10, 15, 20 years and try taking those precious breaths which they won’t be able to due to all the damage from smoking for many many years. They will soon have to fight for each breath. Only there fight will never get better. Their obstruction will not be reversible it will be permanent, there cough will not go away, the chronic chest infections won’t get better with antibiotics they will be stuck in a downward spiral as their airways get smaller and smaller due to inflammation and obstruction. They will rely on Drs and Nurses to fight to make them better. They will need the help of social services and be left gasping for breath just getting out of bed or standing up. This will all be due to the years of smoking cigarettes. The feeling they will feel are the feelings they make me feel every time I have to pass someone who is smoking. They don’t give a second  thought about it. They think I am over reacting about the effect the smoke has one me. They will comment about it being a free country and they can smoke when and where they want without thought of the damage it does to others. They will expect the health service to look after them and some of the people they have made ill will have to be looking after the people who smoked.

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The day that you fight for your breathe and fight for your life will be the day when you experience exactly what many asthmatics feel like when exposed to smoke.

Back on the first of April I questioned wether or not the NHS going smoke free was a big April Fool. Its the 23rd April and it appears that the NHS are not going smoke free even though they say they are. Rules are made to be broken but this new rule seems to be the easiest one to break of all.

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I and many of my asthmatic friends would be the first ones to stand up and rejoice that hospital sites are meant to be smoke free. It would mean so much more than not having to wonder how many times you will need to use your inhaler from taking your first step into hospital grounds to getting inside the door. It would mean no longer having to walk the long way round to find a door not many use to enter the hospital avoiding smokers hovering outside, it would mean being able to do your job or attend appointments without being worse than you were when you left your own house. The list is never ending for the benefits of not smoking.

There are no benefits to smoking what so ever but occasionally when I am very frustrated and having trouble to breathe, part of me wishes I had smoked. If I had smoked there would be a physical reason why my lungs don’t work as they should and why I need inhalers, nebulisers and tablets to keep my lungs working. This only comes into my mind when I am sitting awake in the small hours of the morning using my nebuliser wishing there was a cause for all this illness which just now I don’t have.

This is why I can not believe what I am about to say. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever dreamt that I would be in favour of revoking the rule and allow people to smoke on site again. I am stunned I would even consider thinking such a thing, but the reality is I would prefer it. I hate part of myself for this as I know what it feels like not to be able to breathe and I watch powerless as strangers choose to inflict damage and give themselves a future of pain and suffering.

Why do I want this?

Since the ban on smoking on hospital sites it feels like there has been an epidemic of people smoking on the hospital site and they are everywhere. Around every corner there will be someone puffing on a fag. It has made getting from the carpark to inside the building a logistical nightmare trying to find doorways which are not clouded in a plume of smoke.

At least before there were smoking shelters which were used pretty well and for those who did not use the smoking shelters there were the hot spots where you could find a group gathered. You knew the areas to avoid but now it feels like there is no where to hide from people smoking.

The biggest irritation is that no one is patrolling and enforcing the ban. No one is picking people up on smoking and god forbid you take it upon yourself to suggest people did not smoke the looks and comments you got were not worth it.

As a worker on an NHS site I despair on many occasions. There are rules for everything and it begs the question why are some enforced and some not. For example parking. You are quizzed about why you are trying to get into a carpark on arrival at the barrier and if it not for a reason that is approved by the car park people you don’t get in. As a community worker based in the hospital I have to take a lot of stock out to patients which can be very heavy. The solution is that it is dropped down stairs and I then bring the car round. The number of times a warden has come to tell me my bumper is over the yellow hashed lines or I am in the wrong place is astonishing. Half the time I spend arguing with them about being allowed to park to pick up stock I would have been away far quicker had they not caused an issue. I would have been creating less of an obstruction. My issue is that there are people enforcing rules which are doing no damage at all and not preventing someone getting treatment or anything being detrimental to someones health yet a ban is in place to stop people smoking on NHS sites and there is no one to enforce it.

It is disgusting that they can get away with this. I am sure if I went (wearing a mask and protection) and sprayed air freshener or a substance with an unpleasant smell all the smokers would be up in arms about someone spraying something yet they have no issue making others breathe their smoke in when it could damage their health.

I was so annoyed last nigh about it as I suffered a bit of an asthma attack- nothing major on my way home from work as I was rushing to get my haircut, I wrote to Asthma UK, Asthma UK Scotland, ASH and also my local MSP about how the smoking ban on NHS sites has almost caused a bigger problem than smoking was before. At least before you knew were people were and could avoid areas. It was not ideal but it worked. Now previous “safe spots” are a hazard making an already slightly problematic task nigh on impossible. I decided to take action and will await my responses. It may not come do anything but for myself I feel better for expressing how I feel and doing a small part to try and make life better for myself and others who suffer at the hands of those who are selfish and smoke.

I feel so passionately about this subject more so than any others because it effects my ability to carry out the care I need to give my patients to ensure they have the best quality of life they can possibly have.

My whinge is over sort of!! Had a pretty awful day at work and it has left me questioning why I bother killing myself to do  the best job I can. Pushing myself is making my life very restricted. I love my job and I love my job so much that I am prepared to sacrifice some of my free time to rest and recover from hard days at work. But today I really wondered why I bother. Many more days like that its not going to be worth it as I really can’t afford to sacrifice any more of my social time to allow myself to rest and get better and stronger for the next day ahead. I have a lovely weekend planned as it is my Stepmums 60th so we are all going out for a family and friends lunch on saturday and then I have golf on Sunday before more golf next weekend!