I haven’t written in ages and I apologise for that but I really did not know what to write and how to write without getting myself angry and upset as I feel the last 8 years have just been a total waste.
I wrote a while back about changing consultant and hospital because I was really finding the relationship I previously had with my consultant was no more and my health was getting worse, I was getting put on more and more drugs and constantly riding a rollercoaster of feeling well and being on high dose steroids to feeling rubbish because my steroids were reduced.
So lots has happened since switching consultant. My first appointment I finally felt someone was going to do something to help. I was put forward by my consultant at their MDT meeting to see if another consultant would agree to me being a candidate for mepolizumab. Due to the cost of the drug you need meet certain criteria and have a second consultant agree to it. Thankfully another consultant agreed and the wheels were in motion for me to start.
I didnt really know what to expect. Its not like other drugs you get by injection like any sickness or steroids where you notice a difference pretty quickly. This one it can take a few weeks before you notice positive effects from it but Im not sure what I will feel and what the positive effects will be. Will it be the nights are better and I won’t wake up so much needing meds or will my peak flow be increased or able to do more during the day with less symptoms??
Time will tell how it goes. For me because of the steroids I am on they are going to use my maintenance dose of steroid a marker for effect of the mepolizumab so if I can reduce this then we can move forward and continue on the mepolizumab but if I cant reduce them without my chest getting worse then I won’t stay on it and will be back to square one and trying to find something else to help me.
Speaking to the nurse they seem to have had really positive effects and not many people have had to stop. Also the side effects have not been too bad apparently. A bit of a headache and back pain seem to be the most common. My head has been killing me but it is easing off and if that is the only side effect I cant really complain because a headache is the least of my worries as the pain and suffering from my chest over all these years far out weighs a sore head!!!
There is deep seated feeling of anger in me which I need to get over but I just cant shake this feeling of having wasted my time with my old consultant. Everyone told me she was the best but I guess the best is not always what works and it really didn’t for me. I asked so often to try different things anything to try and get some stability even asked to stay on the higher dose of steroid as I knew this was what my lungs were happy with but it was always a no and just had to persevere and would get there. Clearly that didnt work as every attack I ended up in ICU or HDU and so much time off work. If it was not for understanding bosses I would be out a job and have no purpose or aim to try and get myself well. I am really angry that it took a horrible admission to hospital and me essentially getting so upset that I was getting no where and people asking me if I had tried x,y and z and all I could say was no and they look quizzically at me like I am mad because my asthma is so uncontrolled yet I have not even been considered to trial some of the more medications till now.
I need to keep myself grounded though. Even though the results of this drug in others has been fantastic I really don’t want to be disappointed and pin all my hopes on it to then be totally devastated that it doesn’t work or it doesn’t work well enough to justify keeping me on it. Even with the best results there can be from the mepolizumab my lung issues won’t totally be cured as the years of uncontrolled asthma have caused a lot of airway remodelling and scarring which cant be reversed.
Fingers crossed the next three months are full of good things and I can stay on the mepolizumab as I desperately want my life back or even just some of my life back where I don’t have to spend all the time I am not working resting to make sure I am then able to work the next day.
Will keep updating as I go and if I see effects from it.