The Ventilator is in ICU

I briefly mentioned this in my previous post but it has preyed on my mind. During my last admission I had a bit of a rough patch where if I am honest I was terrified to the point my youngest brother came in to see me and help me sort things out. I just kept being exposed to triggers on the ward and there was a huge lack of communication until things got bad and finally action was taken.

Eventually being seen by the respiratory registrar who was a bit brutal on two counts. First trying to get an arterial blood gas and being pretty arrogant with it. The whole admission everyone has failed at getting a gas- from junior Drs, A&E Dr’s, ICU Dr’s, ICU Advanced Nurse practitioners and the ultrasound machine, no one could get a gas but this reg seemed to think she would be the one to get it and of course she failed and hit a nerve prompting her to tell me that i had to stay still otherwise she wold get stabbed with the needle….when you hit a nerve its hard to stay still and the pain was excruciating so I didnt let her try again to which I was told I was refusing treatment. After my brother showed her the care plan in which it says about the difficulty in getting an arterial blood gas she changed her tone and was totally different. I think she saw I wasn’t just being difficult despite the arms which were covered in bruises which kind of showed I was being compliant in letting them stab me numerous times.

Anyway after all this she told me my asthma was so uncontrollable and brittle that the next step if I deteriorated was to go to Intensive Care because there was ventilators there if I should go down hill that much, and that we all know asthma can be very dangerous.

This has really prayed on my mind. I think because it was so bluntly verbalised with what to me felt like no real care or compassion. It was just said like a throw away comment. I have been thinking a lot about it over the past few weeks and it does scare me. I kind of have this fear now whenever I get a bit chesty and sort of don’t do something incase it could cause an attack which in turn could land me in hospital etc etc.

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