Trying not to live in the past.

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I try not to live in the past but its hard when you come across photos like the above. Excuse the dodgy hair which looks like I have just stuck my fingers in a socket. I had not but just run in one of the long distance running races during a school sports day. A common appearance was the slightly wind swept look given that my school was situated on the east coast of Scotland in one of the windiest towns St Andrews.

But seeing photos like this does bring me back and have a thought of how life could have been different and what would I be doing now. Don’t get me wrong bar the trips to hospital and intensive care stays and numerous needle pokes trying to find veins I really don’t begrudge my life and really do enjoy what I do and all the opportunities I have had but if things hadn’t been bad with my lungs I do wonder what life may have become. I used to be able to run and run and run. Once I got my pace I felt really comfy and could just keep running. I loved cross country, long distance and middle distance. I used to be not bad either and would win the 1500m at school sports day…maybe because I was the only one crazy enough to voluntarily enter but I really did enjoy it.

I still had asthma back then and would still go to hospital for attacks but it wasn’t nearly so debilitating. It would be more of a inconvenience but having an attack meant a couple days of games and then I could go back to it where as now there is no question about sport or any exercise its just not feasible…well there is some exercise as going up a flight of stairs raises my heart rate to what most people get in the gym so I guess thats my workout.

Its strange to think how much life has changed. I haven’t looked at these photos for years. I forgot I had them. The one below is the Sports Captains photo. I was School Ski Captain. I loved skiing, would ski at any opportunity and really proud to be ski Captain. I felt I sort of achieved things and look back on them with good thoughts but there is a small part of me that would like to be back there and pull on running shoes with no worries about being able to breathe etc.

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Again dodgy hair. I think I went around permanently with bad hair.

All these memories I guess make me up. Everyone has a path and mine wasn’t to be playing sport. I can’t say I didnt get enough sport at school or after school. I think I got enough sport played and things done before my asthma went bad and stopped me so I can’t complain and now I still get to be involved in sport particularly lacrosse and I love what I do. Back in the day when at school I would never have thought I would be so involved in lacrosse and help with the national team. I will play golf again one day I am sure of it when will be a question mark but I will try and I will succeed!!!

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