After the Christmas period and getting back into the swing of work again and being back to doing what I was is that I am finding the fatigue crippling. I am really enjoying being back to work and getting on with my job but after a days work (and not even a full day) I feel like I am on my knees by the time I get home. It takes all my strength to shower, prepare some food and do any work I need to for any research projects I am doing or helping on.
I have found over the years I have found bouncing back from colds, chest infections and attacks take a lot more strength and planning. Using pacing tools have been helpful but sometimes we can’t all pace to get what we need to do done. Keeping my house tidy and everything is hard work.
Often people don’t think that working part time should be tiring or hard work and you get lots of time to rest and still do what you want in the evenings but its not like that. I will come home and flop on my sofa and struggle to get back up. I hate that I miss evening activities because of this fatigue and lethargy. Its a strange one as its not a fatigue where you fall asleep as I really lack sleep. No matter how early or late I go to bed I spent hours awake looking at the dark ceiling thinking about anything and everything in a bid to try and sleep. It feels like I just get to sleep and then have to wake back up and start the whole process again.
The weekend is over now but still the feeling of exhaustion has not left me although what can I say I have done this weekend…not much but I guess that is the reality of living with something that no matter how mentally tough you are physically you just can’t beat it. Lying resting I think tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow I will have energy but in reality I don’t know if I will have that energy until I wake up in the morning in the hope I have had a decent night sleep.
It is a real frustration when you don’t know how you will be in the morning. You don’t know how your night will turn out, you can’t make plans for fear of letting people down because your body just won’t play ball like it should. However what I do know that is by having goals and things to do each day keeps a positive mind, an active mind and therefore a body that won’t always be beaten down by its inability to function as it should of any other 30 year old.