Back when I was at school all I wanted to do was play sport. I lived and breathed sport. I really couldn’t see myself doing anything else. I look back at the start of my blog way back when it was in its infancy in 2008. I was in distress at the though of having to give up sport. At that time I thought everything was over. I was doing things I shouldn’t have and was just pushing myself to the edge to try and hang on to any amount of normality and just be a normal sports students who could go and play football, rugby or hockey when I wanted and not when my chest dictated.
(my last ever football match at uni with my coach, captain and best mate)
I fast forward to now where I have accepted that sport is not what I will always be able to do now. I have adapted and play sport with some limitations but play a position that accommodates my chest- in goal!!! But also know that every training session I go to or every game I play is a bonus and is something that a few years ago I didnt have. I have dealt with the grief of losing my sport but now I am finding everything I ever wanted is coming back to me but without me really going out and trying to get it and putting my health at risk in the process.
Since being back involved in lacrosse from really the U19 World Championships last summer I have loved every minute of it and not looked back. I still kind of pinch myself to think that this year I have done so much without my breathing putting up to much of a fight. Perhaps it was because it started at an all time low spending New Year in intensive care and really building up from nothing! It couldn’t get any worse that fighting to breath and every breath feeling like it was running a marathon.
But anyway moving on. After qualifying in nursing I thought my career in sport and sports development was over and to be honest I didnt miss it. I love nursing and wouldn’t do another job.
However now I am doing the development role at my lacrosse club and have just become development director for Lacrosse Scotland. I am really looking forward to trying to build lacrosse in Scotland and get more people playing. We have already started by setting up a new after school club at the Royal High School in Edinburgh.
I can’t say it was an easy run to become development director. There was a lot of opposition to me running and the fact that more members from our club would be on the board. To be honest the sand bagging that took place only drove me on more than it did deter me from running. Karma always comes around and it is going to hit in big doses so I am pretty sure that it was not worth their bother in the end. I got the role I was running and they…well we will just wait and see.
For me it is all about getting more people playing lacrosse and in a strange way I am coming full circle and able to do the job I love as a nurse but also the job I once wished for as doing sports development. I now get to do this in my own time. I really can’t wait to get stuck in.
I just really hope my chest holds up. Its been pretty unsteady recently and have found I am up and down on my steroids like a yoyo and have more sleepless nights than I do ones where I sleep soundly. I will continue to try and get on top of it but I think it will keep being a never ending battle and just when you start getting on top of it things will go peat tong again.