Over the past week I have been really bothered by my chest. At this time of year there are always a lot of coughs and colds going around so it is no surprise I managed to catch one but it just feels like it won’t go away. The constant coughing is wearing and exhausting.
It is frustrating not getting over things easily and feeling puffed at the slightest of things. Its not helped by not sleeping despite feeling totally shattered but for some reason everything flares up more at night than it is during the day. I long for a decent night sleep where I can be comfy in bed and really rest instead of switching between sitting up on my sofa or being propped up n dozens of pillows.
The nights become so long and I find myself reminiscing about the past and drifting off into my imagination of what life could be like if there was a cure found for asthma. I often think about where I would be if I grew out of asthma as a kid, if there was a cure when I was younger. All the ifs and questions about what life could have been or could be. Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful for the life I have and the amount I am able to do compared to other respiratory conditions people have but it doesn’t stop me thinking about what could be.
Over the years I have put the thought of a cure almost to the back of my mind and had thought it was a unrealistic dream and despite desperately wanting it and dreaming of it, the likelyhood of it happening is slim. Its changing though and I think it is because of my involvement in the Asthma UK Centre for Applied Research. There are so many people wanting to make life better for people with asthma and far more research going on in asthma than I ever appreciated. I think maybe because of knowing about research that is happening my expectations of a cure are changing and this is why I keep drifting off thinking about it when I am awake and struggling to breathe in the middle of the night.
I hope one day soon I won’t wake up in the middle of the night and I will just sleep though instead of cat naming when I can!
Just feeling pretty bummed out just with everything and I just want to wave a magic wand so it all goes away.