When writing my post reviewing 2014 month by month I realised a lot of it was filled with unfulfilled goals. Hopes and aspirations I had made this time last year in 2013 but were unable to achieve this year. The glass half empty side of me sees this as a year where once again I have failed to achieve what I set out to. I didnt go back to playing lacrosse, I didnt run the half marathon in Edinburgh (although because I did have a place which I gave to a friend Olivia Fulton is featured in the results page running a time of 1hr 54 this was however run by Jade not myself!!), I didnt do a lot of what I wanted to.
Flipping that over the glass half full see of me sees that I have not achieved what I had anticipated and planned to but instead I did achieve so much more and so much I never even planned to. Not only did I not plan to I had not even thought about. If you were to ask me this time last year would I be involved with AUKCAR as a PPI lead and would I have gone to Oxford and mingle with the great and the good of the Asthma world, I probably wold have laughed and thought you were bonkers.
I didnt mean the health targets I wanted to but again I am still here. I have more battle scars, more pills, inhalers and nebs but right now I feel the healthiest I have in a long time. I have stability in my health something I have never appreciated before. I was so focused on being on the least amount of medication possible I didnt weigh up that actually reducing medication was causing me more problems. Just now my lung function is a lot lower than it has been in the past but I no longer have the diurnal fluctuations I used to. Remaining at a constant level I know where I am with my body. I understand it better and recognise declines a lot easier due to achieving stability in lung function. Recognising decline allows me to take action and prevent acute attacks whereas before having dips I was never sure if it was just a dip or a plummet to an acute phase.
I have learned that there is no need to shy away from your medical team. They see you for a small snapshot of time in your whole day to day life. Often you prepare yourself for going to clinic meaning your lungs are in better shape and sound good but by telling my consultant how things actually are on a day to day basis we have worked together to find a good balance and the results have been really positive. I still feel I have a lot of limitations such as reduced hours at work, no real golf or aerobic activity that gets your heart pumping but these will come in time.
So for 2015 I don’t want to make any plans, targets or things I want to compete in. As 2014 has shown without planning you can achieve so much more than you would ever think you will. Planning for me can often end in disappointment especially when living with a chronic lung condition so taking each day as it comes, then each week and each month new opportunities will crop up which will test me, excite me and make me proud. The back of my mind I do still have those wee things I would like to do such as run the Edinburgh 1/2 marathon again but this will not be a goal at the start of the year. If it happens it happens if not there are plenty more years.
Life is too short to plan milestones and set targets for yourself. This really hit home after another acquaintance I know recently passed away. Her legacy is that she enjoyed life, she made the most of, she had time of everyone even if she didnt actually have time, she had a positive outlook on life even in the face of adversity.
2015 will be a good year. I would be kidding myself on if I thought it will be full of positives and no negatives but learning from the bad is all about life.
Heres to a great 2015 and I will be able to look back on 2014 and remember some awesome times.