Being realistic

A lot is happening just now. A mix of good things and some bad. The bad just being my asthma and how it makes me feel but on the other side working less is really paying off and as a result I am starting to feel less tired and have a better medication regime.

Focusing myself on other projects is giving me time to focus my energy- my mental energy rather than my physical energy. By participating in AUKCAR and work with AsthmaUK I can do work and review research summaries before being put forward for grant proposals. This is work I can do from my sofa with a neb on when I am relaxing. There is no pressure on it to be done in a rush but it is work I find interesting and I know that by doing it is contributing to making a difference in the long term future of asthma!!!

One thing that has really shocked me this week is that despite cutting my hours down at work and really thinking I am doing better for it, my dad mentioned if I had thought about changing my career forces and going into academia. In the dark days in those attacks that last a few days and it is a constant fight for breath I have thought about giving up nursing but always once I have regained my breath I am back and want to fight for my career.

I have lain awake at night thinking about what he said. I am not sure I can seriously consider altering my career focus now. I am still so new to nursing and I love it. There is still stuff I want to do in nursing. I love working with the patients and the staff. I have never thought that anyone else around me thinks I am possibly not well enough or fit enough to carry on this career. It worries me when my Dad voices his concerns. He never says anything really. He lets me get on with doing what I am and there to support me if I need it. It was such a different thing for him to come to me with this. It has prayed on my mind so much.

I have a few days off coming up and then annual leave next week where I think I am going to take some time to think about my life, how I am feeling and how I think my health is going, set realistic goals and really look at what the future holds. I don’t want to end up having to leave a job and having nothing to go to or a plan.

I need to be honest with myself and speak to those I work with and see if they think it is feasible for me to continue working where I am. Not thoughts I want to have but I need to start being realistic and plan for what may or may not happen.

But not wanting to finish on a negative I am off to the Scottish Parliament tomorrow for the Cross Party Group meeting with Asthma UK which I am looking forward to!!!