Just all a bit too much

I always know when I am not feeling my best because I sleep and lounge around. Even though a lot of the time when I am struggling with my breathing I need to rest and lounge around but I often feel like doing the opposite. I find it hard to rest and try and push my body and then find the reverse when my breathing is pretty good I just want to lounge around. I guess it is wanting what you can’t have almost!!!

The stress of the last week or so has caught up with me!!! I feel very down and blue!!! I think it is the depression I have been battling with for the last year or so.

Last week I have my appointment with a new consultant for a second opinion and was really boosted by it and felt like maybe something was going to happen but now just feel so deflated. I saw the resp nurse in clinic and I didnt feel it was very productive. The nurse called me and left a message on my answer phone after she spoke with my consultant.

So my consultant doesn’t want to change her plan of reducing my steroids, she is also getting in touch with the other consultant I saw as she doesn’t think I should be seeing 2 consultants and is going to tell him her plan. The whole point of asking to get a second opinion was to be seen by someone separate from her clinic and see if they had any suggestions other than taking prednisilone all the time. If he decides I need to take pred then that is fine but really want to see if there are other options out there.

I am frustrated and angry that she has taken it upon herself to contact this other consultant with out asking me. And also I told the nurses that I was not wanting to change consultants but just wanted to explore different options. I have to try something. But if she is going to contact him then he will be influenced by what she says and it won’t be him looking at me as he sees me but rather from what she has told him too.

I tried for the thursday and friday to call the nurses to ask them why my con felt the need to contact the other con and why she was not asking me. I left answer phone message etc but no luck. On monday I am going to go and speak to them. I have work but I need to sort this out. I feel like y asthma is controlling and taking over my life and I actually can’t handle it mentally anymore let alone physically.

My con told the nurses my asthma was not severe enough to do anything else. I don’t think she understands that I am living with it everyday and night. It is constantly there and really holding me back just now. I hope that if I can get on top of my asthma more then my mental health will get a bit btter and won’t feel as depressed because it is just not me!!!

i thought I was doing the right thing getting a second opinion and showing that I am trying to do anything to get my life back but I seem to just make things worse.

I am going away on holiday next saturday !!! I can’t wait. Just to get away and forget and enjoy time with my family!!!

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