Back in my own bed, my home, my city, my country. It was so wonderful to be met from the plane by my family particularly my youngest brother who was down for our nephews first birthday which I sadly missed due to flight times.
Jet lag I think or the emotion of returning home is making my brain do somersaults tonight so decided that writing a blog may help my thoughts. As I mentioned in previous posts this holiday back to Canada has been a brilliant experience but also shaken me a huge amount with regard to the whole “asthma” and “breathing” side of my life. I try desperately hard to keep a positive attitude which is very difficult when each day you don’t know how your health is going to be and what triggers you may pass which could induce an attack. It is not always possible to stay positive and depressive episodes are bound to creep in. This is where the support of family is ever so important. I have had ups and downs with my family supporting me but today a comment made really showed me that despite them living with someone who has asthma (infact several people) they really don’t understand it at all.
The skiing this holiday was great very hard work and if asked would I go back and do that type of skiing again I would probably say no!. I’m not a powder skiing. A conversation between two family members one commenting that I struggled with the skiing in Whistler the response if the other was that it was because I was unfit.
Thins has really bothered me because over the years this has been an issue. One member seems to think that if you are fit then asthma will get better. I try to ignore the comments but I think because I am tired just now it really gas got to me. Looking back over a period of time I have had so e if the poorest asthma control when being at my physically fitness and equally bad when at my most untrained. My asthma is not controlled by fitness. The irrational side of my brain wants to ashy I will go to the gym and push myself to get fitter but look at the consequences.
In time when I feel well enough again I will go and work on my physical fitness but just now I want to work on my physical health. So comments being said that I couldn’t manage the skiing because I’m not fit are nit helpful neither are being told I need to go for fast walks etc. But anyway it was nothing to do with fitness why I struggled with the skiing. I am a racer I have skied all my life on my edges with my legs shoulder width apart and shoulders pointing downhill with only really my hips and knees doing the work (if feeling super energetic a small pole plant might get thrown in!!)! This is great for lovely groomed European slopes where you can carve your turns applying pressure on your edges however put this style of skiing into knee deep powder you have chaos. Between starting my first run and getting to the bottom I had totally made over my ski technique, I had to come off my edges bring my knees together use my upper body. It is a whole new ball game. Fresh snow means no groomed runs. I struggled with this. I’m not a powder skier. I enjoy the odd bit of it but it’s not my style. This is why I struggled….the only comparison I can make is that it’s like trying to make a snowboarder who rides goofy to ride regular it’s just not natural.
So for this reason the comment about my fitness really got to me. It wasn’t even said to me but to someone else whole told me.
It also made me think that no wonder Asthma UK have such a hard time trying to get people to understand asthma and the severity of it when you have a family surrounded by asthma and some members still don’t get how serious it can be and that medication is necessary and physical fitness alone will not cure or make it better!!!!
Just now as I write this at 0342 I want to scream at them and make them wear a close peg on their nose and breathe through a narrow straw for a day just so they can get the concept of what it feels like to live with asthma.