I got really scared this week. I just haven’t felt myself yet since being discharged from hospital a little over two weeks now. My chest is still very tight despite nebulisers and I am so tired that all I do is sleep. Well when I say sleep it is pretty broken and will only sleep for roughly an hour at a time before waking with my chest.

I have this feeling that I am me but I am not me at the same time. Its like I know what I am normally like and this is just not me. I sometimes feel like I could be looking at someone else as the things I am doing are so out of character. I am normally full of energy and up for being with my friends and laugh and joke but since coming out of hospital I have not had the energy for anything. I hate feeling like this. I am trying to work out what it is that is causing it. It was not a particularly bad attack so I don’t think it is the after effects of it. I haven’t rushed back to placement. I had a 10 days off before I went back which is ample time. I am not reducing any meds as of yet when I would normally be back on my maintenance doses of everything with the exception of my hay fever stuff which gets whacked up round this time of year.

I guess its all just a little puzzling and confusing. Its making me feel really down. I have placement to keep me occupied but I am wondering if it is placement that is taking its toll on me and I should stop. I don’t want to stop as that would mean my asthma has potentially ruined two careers I have pursued.

This is all probably a little dramatic and I will look back on this when I feel better and think what was I thinking but right now this is how I feel.

I do however have my summer holiday to look forward to. I am going away to Italy to play golf with my Dad and Step mum. I cant wait. My Dad has been waiting to take me on holiday for 7 years. He kept thinking each summer I would be well enough to travel and we could go away. I haven’t been away with him since I got ill with pneumonia. He tried once and booked to go to America to go to Boston and San Francisco and other places around that sort of area but I was in hospital and he had to cancel my spot and go with out me. We figured that going to Europe I would be covered by my EHIC card so if I did get ill (touch wood I don’t) I would be covered by the European Health Insurance Card and not have to worry about sorting travel insurance that would cover my asthma which would probably cost more than the holiday itself. I will take travel insurance but it will cover me for everything else just not my asthma.

its my Mum birthday today so off out to lunch so need to drag myself out of bed and shower and make myself look presentable!!!