It pains me to say it but I am now starting to see the real benefits of giving up work.
Many of you who have read my blog for a while know how important work is to me. I have always worked and always enjoyed the sense of earning my own money and then being able to spend it knowing I earned that.
I have always had a job in some form or another since I was at school. I worked my summer and easter holidays as a sports coach at kids activity camps, then I was a financial planning administrator when I came home from Canada, I worked in a school uniform shop, bars while at uni down south and also a sports coach, then when I was studying to be a nurse I worked at After School Clubs and also as a care assistant on both the bank and at a nursing home. Then once I graduated and qualified as a nurse I worked full-time as a staff nurse and also on the bank and then doing some lacrosse coaching as well.
It is a very weird experience to now not have any income of my own that I have put in the hard graft to earn. I am dependent on the government and the benefit system.
I hung on with my finger tips to keep my job but I killing myself working. I loved my job but it really was not doing me any good. I was often being asked if I was ok, as I looked so awful but this didnt stop me and I continued to work. I loved being around people and was scared of being on my own (a fear that has in part been realised).
Over the past few months I have really noticed the benefits of not working and it hit home the other day when I had to go to the GP who was shocked at how well she thought I looked and how good she thought my chest was.
I am really pleased that people are noticing how much better I look but am still devastated that for me to look better and feel a bit better I have had to sacrifice something I love.
It has got me at a bit of a sticking point as I really don’t want to be living on benefits for the rest of my life. I want to be able to work and still have the health as well. I need to stop and think about what it is I am going to do with my future. I am lucky in that I have not been spending my time idle and do a lot of volunteering but this is all done on my own terms so if I don’t feel well one day I don’t need to do anything whereas if I am ok I can do as much as I like.
I desperately miss the social aspect of work. I have lost so many friends from work because you just get forgotten about because you are not there. The friends I do have a dwindling as I cant make things I stop being invited and then just lose touch.
I really do hope that soon I will be able to find a job that I can do that allows me to keep the health I have managed to get (although I am on more steroids which is why my health is a bit better but that might come down soon I hope).
I hate accepting that giving up work was the right thing to do but it was and it may well have saved my life. I would really appreciate anyone who is reading this and has gone through a similar situation with their health how they managed to keep positive and if they managed to get a job they were able to do and enjoy.