When is it time to say enough is enough?

We are talking about medications, and when is it time to stop and think how much are they benefitting me over how much are they causing problems and also dependence on them.

I was really shocked the other day when picking up my prescription, this time as there is not always, there was a repeat prescription list in with my drugs. I was shocked by the 5 full pages of drugs.

I remember back when I first went to boarding school and first had responsibility for requesting my inhalers and montelukast from the Medical Centre, I was on 3 different medications- a reliever, preventer and anti leukotrine agonist. That was it. Perhaps the occasional course of steroids, antibiotics and antihistamines. As my asthma got a bit worse more was added to this list. I can vividly remember the first time collecting my medication and seeing that I had 2 pages of repeat medication and being so disappointed that I needed all these medications for my asthma. Now I would do anything to have that 2 pages (well a page and one medication on the second page).

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Looking through the pages of medications today and trying to see if there are any I can take off the list so I wouldn’t have 5 full pages. The worry is that any more medications are added then it will spill over into 6 pages. I think I would feel better if I could really feel the benefit from everything I am taking but I feel disheartened often when despite all these drugs I still need intervention from hospital to manage any asthma attack I haven rely on intravenous medications to do this. I worry about when the time comes that these medications are not enough. Back when I had less medication I would worry that these drugs would become part of my regular routine as I started needing them more often these were drugs like prednisilone, antibiotics, nebulisers which I am now dependent on. I worry that now will there come a time when I need stronger drugs to keep me stable. I often wonder if I should go back on my syringe driver which at the time I hated but it also meant I wasn’t needing so many drugs and I could get off the steroids. But sadly moving back to Scotland that option was taken away and they are very anti sub cut continuous infusion.

Its scary. I do worry that every one of those 28 items are regular and are used everyday just to keep going and how much are they keeping me going. I can’t work as much as I did, I can’t play the sports I want to. I am kind of thinking what is the benefits and what are the negatives.

I see patients in the hospital and sometimes envious of them because they can function with less medication- which I know everyone has their own set of circumstances and have their own hardships but when seeing it on there surface its hard not to think about what if it was different. I see people all the time and wish for a drug that would help because after all it is only asthma and asthma should not have the grip over people that it does.

Don’t get me wrong I know things could be a lot worse but I guess sometimes things come up and hit you i the face a bit when you are least expecting it, and right now I feel pretty isolated by it as am just feeling my way through it with not a huge amount of support from my team just now which is hard but then i know my options are to increase the steroids and if that doesn’t work to go to hospital.

This is a bit of a moan but its real life and its what I sometimes feel. Maybe one day soon I will either feel the benefits of all the drugs Im taking or there will be some amazing break through a new drug will come out which will relax and open up the airways or they find a cure for asthma (but I think that one is wishful thinking!).

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