I really don’t know where to start with this. I am 2 days into 2 weeks annual leave. 2 weeks of annual leave that in February I was so looking forward to. It was to be another 2 weeks which would be full of hard work, passion, a lot of talking, writing, running around but most of all being part of one of the biggest spectacles in the lacrosse world with the Lacrosse World Cup in Surrey. I was meant to be a stats lead watching all the games up close and recording all the stats of various games much like I did two summers ago at the U19 World Championships.
but I’m not.
I’m trying to stay positive and find things to do as pans have once again changed. Its really hard to stay positive and plan things to do when weeks/months before you get told you can’t do it. Its really hard to stay positive when everywhere you turn you can see the world cup and with it being broadcast on the BBC it will be hard not to watch it as I want to support my country and the players I have worked with but at the same time it will be hard to see what once again Im not able to be part of because my stupid health is stopping me.
This is the first time I have really felt down as I don’t have anything to fill the weeks with anymore. I have some research to do and planning a project but I sort of want to distance myself from it because by doing research it is focusing on the main thing that is holding me back right now. I am focusing on asthma and asthma research and innovation in asthma research but it is asthma that is not letting me go and do what I really want to. So I ultimately don’t know what I should do.
Its a bit like a jigsaw puzzle of broken pieces finding the fit for them all again.