For the longest time I have been willing for the day when I really feel like I am starting to get better and have my life back. I guess just going back to the “normal” me.
I always thought they day would come when a cure for asthma was found or my consultant tried a different medication and it worked wonders reducing my asthma symptoms and allowing me to play sport and do all I wanted to do again.
But things never happen as you think they will do they???
Over the past few months I have noticed a difference. A difference I couldn’t put my finger on but something had changed. My breathing seemed more controlled, I didnt feel I was always using my inhaler and I felt less tired even though I still am not sleeping well my body doesn’t feel so fatigued. I have been feeling this way a while but because of how the last years have gone I didnt want to jinks myself incase it was just false hope.
I have been willing my asthma to stay stable and been working so hard to maintain control so many ties over the years but had started to think that the day would never come. I really do think the day is perhaps coming where I am turning the corner and getting better. It is a surreal experience but one I am not taking for granted. Part of me has a fear that this is not going to last and I am jumping the gun so I am not celebrating too much just yet and not pushing myself to do all the things I want to!
It has been a long time coming. Just about 14 years since things started going a little off track, but 11 years since they really took a turn for the worse. There is a theory with asthma about the 7 year cycle. After 7 years it never really got much better but it is 14 years now so I am wondering about a 14 year cycle instead!!!
Im not complaining that things have got better but in some way it feel like an anticlimax. Sounds very odd for me to say but after all the medication, all the hospital admissions I was expecting some miraculous medication to fix things rather than it just to get better on its own. Don’t get me wrong I am over the moon that I have got a lot more control now!
The one thing that I think has made a big difference is the multidisciplinary approach to my care. My consultant has been really good at working with me and reducing my prednisilone something I never thought we would actually achieve but we have. Seeing a psychologist is also really helpful with working through the asthma and its impact on life.
I would love to think that this is it. That my asthma is now on the up and will only go up but I need to be real. It is not as bad as it was but to think I will never end up in hospital again is unrealistic. It would be great but if I was to think I won’t need to go again and I do need the hospital it would be a massive blow, so acknowledging that I might need to go is just keeping it real.
So what has changed??
I don’t know. I am on the same medication, Im doing the same things, Im still following my diet so I cannot pin point any one thing that has made a difference. A combination of looking after myself better, a really good regime with my medication and never missing a dose have probably played a big part in it. I have also mentally changed my outlook to look at the positives rather than focus on what I cannot do but rather what I can do and what I have achieved.
I have decided that once I have a prolonged period of stability for the next month or so then I will really start to increase my exercise and get back some of my fitness again as I am really missing it.
I have no idea if this is it or if this is just a short burst of good health but I a going to grab it with both hands and make the most out of it (within reason I don’t want to push the boundary and trigger an attack!).