I have never been very good at resting or recognising when I need to rest. This has been really prominent in my sporting life and I think it comes with having chronic life threatening illnesses because you don’t know when your last time being involved in something will be. I used to go to every game, every run or every training session as if it was my last as I was terrified that it would be my last but that I would also leave that sport on a high knowing I had done my best and left it all out there.
At training on Wednesday I knocked my head, neck and shoulder which prompted me to take a few days rest to allow myself to recover. Today I was planning on going back to the gym to do a light session as I have the wheelchair rugby league Bravehearts Challenge on the 9th December and I want to be able to be the best I can be. I knew to be the best I had to rest or risk causing myself more problems. But today my neck and shoulder were a bit stiff and tender still so I decided another day of rest would be good. It also turned into a bit of a day reflecting on where I am now, where I have been and where I want to go, although this all followed a period of beating myself up that I was missing crucial time where I could be doing something and I might be missing my last chance to do it.
What prompted the reflection was taking the opportunity to fill in the health questionnaire I have been asked to do for a research study I am part of. As part of it I had to list my medical conditions, allergies, medications amoung other things and it made me realise that I cannot keep trying to do things as if it was my last time because that will make the last time come much quicker than if I make sure I look after my body give myself allocated rest time.
I was shocked as often I think that my severe asthma and foot drop are the only issues I have mainly because they are what I need to actively manage everyday. I forget about the spontaneous idiopathic urticaria, MCAS, peroneal nerve palsy, foot drop, functional gait disorder, adrenal insufficiency, optic neuritis, osteoporosis, reflux, idiopathic tachycardia, anaphylaxis, chronic pain, vitamin deficiencies. I then also don’t think about the effect of all the medications I take too and what they do to my body. I know each medication does something to help me even the steroids which seem to just destroy it a little bit more each year but even still they keep my lungs going. I think now I take 51 tablets a day spaced throughout the day and then inhaler and nebulisers and injections but because I have taken inhalers everyday of my life I don’t need to think about it and then I take 32 tablets in the morning but I swallow them in one go so it never feels like a big deal. It is not till I had to write it all out of what I take and when that I realised how much is needed to keep my body going.
After filling the form in it did make me sit back and appreciate that I cant do all my mind thinks I can do because to be frank my mind is stronger than my body. My mind doesn’t think about how much my body cant do despite pushing myself.
I have always pushed myself to be the best but with age I know that to be the best you need to have rest days, and days where you listen to your body and not do what was planned and that it is ok to change plans.
Resting is not bad. Doing nothing one day is also not bad, it is a good thing and will only make things better.
ANONYMOUS-ASTHMA 